From The Dungeon: The Fellowship Goes to The Zoo Pt. 2

In which I continue to offer commentary on my old fanfiction.

I have copied and pasted the text below and (even though it is physically painful) have refrained from correcting grammar or spelling errors.

This endeavour has taught me that my writing has definitely improved…. Thank God.


The Fellowship Goes to the Zoo

They Arrive

He used to be the King of Gondor, but after realizing that being King wasn’t all fun and games he gave up on it. He pulled the same trick that Boromir had done; he faked his death. Boromir helped him plan and execute the death. He could not tell Arwen; which he did cause him to feel some what guilty. Boromir convinced that this was the best way; if Arwen found out he was alive, he’d be dragged back to Minas Tirith kicking and screaming. <<Well that’s a memorable way to start the story

Aragorn was taken out of his thoughts when all of a sudden the car stopped. To some people it would be hard to tell when the car was moving or stopping when Gandalf was driving.

“We have arrived” Gandalf said, trying to imitate his wizard voice from before; he failed miserably. << That’s not depressing or anything.

“Finally” Merry said as he jumped out of the car.

“That took forever” Pippin exclaimed after he got out.

“Mr. Frodo, we’re here” Sam yelled as he shook the zoned out Frodo. Merry and Pippin had been forced to stop listening to music, but some how Frodo managed to slip through…

“Where are we” Frodo asked as he slowly came back to reality. << Perhaps this is an example of how the quest to destroy the Ring has traumatized Frodo and he can never truly be free of it’s way. Instead he fades between reality and the wraith like existence of the Nazgul, the poison from the Morgul blade never truly leaving his system.

“The Zoo Mister Frodo” Sam said.

“Please don’t call me Mr. Frodo Sam, it ruins my image.” Frodo said. << I was wrong.

“Okay Mr. I mean Frodo.” Sam answered.

Frodo had changed a lot since he had lost the ring. He also realised that he lost his publicy when the movie came out. Since all the girls were attracted to Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom he lost his fame. He had been the Ring Bearer, but that was not enough. Currently he did anything in his power to rebuild his fan base. << Was this a critique of popular culture?

The Fellowship approached the entrance to the Zoo. Aragorn read the sign for entry prices. A small smile began to spread across his face.

“Legolas” Aragorn asked.

“Yes Aragorn” Legolas answered.

“Do you think we can pass the hobbits for children” Aragorn finished. << Clever plan… I guess. Not very original though

“Well they are the right size, but we might need to make a few adjustments.” Legolas said and started to smile. Aragorn joined him in laughing.

The Hobbits gulped when they say Aragorn and Legolas approaching them. The two of them had evil grins on their faces, as if they were really going to enjoy something that other normal people might not like.

“Yes sirs’ what may I do for you today.” The person at the desk enquired. << Nothing to mark a break in time…. Ouch.

“Well let’s see. It would be two seniors, three adults and four children.” Legolas said.

“Umm sir, I don’t see two seniors.” The lady said. <<Oh no

“Ohh, I’m sorry.” Legolas said and smiled grandly. “The second one is I.”

The Lady at the desk gave Legolas an odd look. “I’m sorry Sir but to be a senior you have to be 63 and up”

“Ohh.” Legolas said. “That would make three seniors.” << Oh no. I’m going there.

“I only see one senior sir” The Lady said. She was getting very flustered.

Aragorn realised that he had to take matters into his own hands if they wanted to get into the Zoo any time soon. He gave the Woman his grand I-Used-To-Be-King Smile.

“You see.” He started. “My friend here is over 2000 years old.” <<Why did I write this?

Legolas smiled and blushed.

The Lady looked at Legolas. “Sir, what do you take me for? He looks like he’s 20.”

“I am not that young” Legolas screeched. << Good word “You make me out to be that immature! The other senior is him! Does he look too young! He’s over 100”

“Legolas! Don’t go out giving out Men’s ages like that” Aragorn said and he began to blush.

Gandalf decided that it was his turn to try and attempt at doing something productive and began pushing his way to get in between Aragorn and Legolas. By now the Woman was screaming.

“You all of you are mental! Hey you have swords!” << -_______-‘

“Aragorn YOU TWIT!” << Another wonderful choice of language Legolas screamed. Aragorn flinched at the loud noise. “Why did you draw your BLOODY SWORD?”

With that Legolas drew one of his White Knives and began waving it at Aragorn and lecturing him. While this little scene was going on the Lady continued to scream. << This is actually physically painful for me to read.

“You have swords! Lunatics!” She paused taking a breath and realized the smartest thing she could do. “SECUR-”

The Lady was cut off. Gandalf had covered the women’s mouth and pulled her half way out of the little windowed building.

“Here is 1000 bucks let us in” Gandalf yelled. He then pulled his staff out of his sleeve and started to mumble a spell. Lightning struck at his feet.

“Okay go in go in” The Lady said. She was horrified.

The Fellowship walked in giving the Lady smiles. Gimli was pulling Pippin in a wagon. Pippin took off his bonnet and took the lollypop out of his mouth and smiled at the Lady.

“By the way, I’m 42.” <<Cute?

Thank goodness I got lazy and there is only one more chapter in existence.

Written by
Alexandra is always looking for the next book she can devour. She has a love hate relationship with teen fiction specifically when it comes to fantasy, post apocalyptic and failed shakespeare adaptations.

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