Vampire’s Kiss


My best friend and I have this weird tradition and I’m not sure either he or I know how it originally started. Our tradition is to load up a queue of Nicolas Cage movies and spent the day watching them. It’s absolutely life changing.

Vampire’s Kiss stands as one of the most memorable movies from these Cage Binge Fests. I’ve referenced Vampire’s Kiss in previous Death of the Author videos, but I’ve always wanted to do something with it specifically. So this year when April Fools rolled around, I finally had my chance to pitch a video to Chelsey. This is that video.

But, because I can’t leave you without a somewhat small review, the following text is a snippet from my first Nicolas Cage marathon blog post. If you haven’t seen Vampire’s Kiss, understand that yes it is hilarious and ridiculous and has some seriously memorable scenes, but it’s also slow as hell. So like we said, save yourself the time and just watch the best of clip reel that I’ve included below….


OVERDOSING ON NICOLAS CAGE: VAMPIRE’S KISS

Let’s pause for a minute. Do you think Nic Cage ever stops and looks at his reputation and past film choices and wonders “what was I thinking when I took that role?” or “Am I a joke now?” Those two things should be kept in mind when watching Vampire’s Kiss.

WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WATCHING? Everything about this movie screams how did this get past pre-production? The lack of camera work, the long pointless shots, NICOLAS CAGE’S MESMERIZING ACCENT! What was he going for? Pretenious-ness? Californian? An Alien? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I just… I can’t.

Here. We’ll just put this here:


Nicolas Cage plays Peter Loew a Literary Agent with a funny voice (that somehow everyone seems to take seriously). After he picks up a woman at a bar and brings her home she bites his neck. Peter then believes that he is turning into a vampire and begins the ultimate descent into NICOLAS CAGE MADNESS! He screams the alphabet at his therapist. He has a 15 minute conversation with a wall, he harasses his secretary. He buys plastic fangs and proceeds to run down a busy street screaming I’M A VAMPIRE. I’M A VAMPIRE! I’M A VAMPIRE.I don’t know if this movie was supposed to be a comedy or a noveau art piece. Whatever it is… this movie gave us this. One of the creepiest images I have ever come across and it will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life:


Throughout the film Cage attempts to draw on Max Schrek’s performance in Nosferatu. Cage walks around with a hunched back, wiggling his fingers and giving those around him crazy eyes.  At first the level of overacting is charming, lets let Nicolas Cage… do his thing? But as the film progresses and you realize, yes this is seriously where this film is going, you just have to shake your head and wonder. Why God, Why are you punishing me so?

Maybe I just didn’t get it. Maybe I need to watch it in a different state of mind. Or maybe I have not reached the level of transcendence to understand this film. But the question is… do I really want to know? Nietzsche once said: “when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” I’ve gazed into the abyss, I’ve seen its face and its the face of Nicolas Cage.

Cage-iest Moment: See Best Scene Clip Montage I provided above.

Best Line: “Alva, there is no one else in this entire office that I could possibly ask to share such a horrible job. You’re the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest. Do you realize that? Every other secretary here has been here longer than you, Alva. Every one. And even if there was someone here who was here even one day longer than you, I still wouldn’t ask that person to partake in such a miserable job as long as you were around. That’s right, Alva. It’s a horrible, horrible job; sifting through old contract after old contract. I couldn’t think of a more horrible job if I wanted to. And you have to do it! You have to or I’ll fire you. You understand? Do you? Good.”

Rating on the Crazy Scale: This movie saw 10 out of 10 and just kept running… I give up.

Written by
Alexandra is always looking for the next book she can devour. She has a love hate relationship with teen fiction specifically when it comes to fantasy, post apocalyptic and failed shakespeare adaptations.

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